Love Knows When It's Personal And Private

 

 

“It’s personal,” she said. She assumed the STOP sign she erected with her “It’s personal” comment would back me down.  She was wrong.

Some things are personal. Some things are private. Some things are very personal but not at all private.  It’s good to know the difference.

Want help with that? Consider these examples:

A man asked me to baptize him, “in private, because it’s so personal.” I refused. Baptism is very personal but it is anything but private. 

A couple asked me to marry them in, “a secret ceremony because we want it to be intimate and personal.” I refused. I suggested they go on a date, tell each other they love each other on a moonlit walk and get their clandestine conversations out of the way so they can go public with their marriage commitment in the presence of witnesses. “Marriage is not a private matter,” I told them.  “Weddings are public statements of deeply personal commitments.”

One woman told me she wanted to keep her faith “to herself.” She said she didn’t want to tell her children she was a Christian. She said her faith was “too personal.”  I told her she was a selfish woman. I told her, “If everyone who deeply loves Jesus kept their faith to themselves, the church would be extinct in just one generation.”

Everything “personal” isn’t confidential, but some “personal” matters should be kept private.
Of course, reasonable people should assume a modicum of respect and civil decorum will militate against impropriety. In polite society, dignity and honor govern privacy issues. Confidentiality is the result of love as much as a corollary of decency. 

I’m concerned that we may be losing both: civility and decency.  Love seems to be missing. Our confusion about public and private matters, coinciding with voyeuristic tendencies riding the internet’s rails of information saturation, exacerbates the issue.

Some things are personal and should be kept private. When they are unfortunately made public, it’s shameful. 

Ponder this...

Levi Johnston (who had described himself as “sex on skates”via MySpace) demonstrated the civility of a goat when he discussed the personal and private details of his sexual technique on The Tyra Banks Show. As millions watched he revealed more than he realized.  Johnston’s mother, Sherry, and sister Mercede, sat next to Levi and laughed as he and Tyra traded winks and jokes. Young Levi behaved like a beast and betrayed Bristol Palin, the mother of his four-month-old son, with giggles and swollen self-importance. 

There wasn’t enough love, decency, civility or honor on that television set to temper the boy’s words. Deeply personal, intimate and private moments went public. Salacious comments fueled the exchange. Tyra leaned in close to the boy, feigned intimacy and probed for more secrets. He fell for the trap. He forgot the words of Proverbs 5:3-4. “The lips of a seductive woman are oh so sweet; her soft words are oh so smooth. But it won't be long before she's gravel in your mouth, a pain in your gut, a wound in your heart.”

Flushed and full of himself, Levi told the world the secrets he’d promised Bristol he’d share only with her. In that moment his shame became ours. 

How could he?  If you haven’t asked yourself that question, you should. 

Was it just immaturity? Levi told Neal Karlinsky of Good Morning America he wasn’t ready for marriage. “It’s just…me not being mature enough, or something, and having a kid and thinking…it could be better – better for us to separate for a while.”  Really? It’ll be better? Hmmm. That’s what my dad told my sister and brother and me when he betrayed our family and left us.  If the pile he left us in was “better,” I’d like to ask, “Better than what?”  But, that’s not the point of this blog…

Here’s the point.  Some things are personal, intimate and private; some things are not, and we better learn the difference because there is no upside to confusing which is which. 

So, how do you know?  What’s personal and private? What’s personal and public? 

The answer is found in love.  Love will guide you.

Love helps you know which personal matters to make public.

Do you love Jesus? Is your love personal, deep and meaningful? Going public with your love honors Him.  Publicly praising God contextualizes your life and explains why you are who you are.

Do you love your husband? Is your love personal, deep and meaningful? Going public with your love honors him.  Tell your friends how much you love him and everyone wins.

Do you love your church? Is your love personal, deep and meaningful? Opening up about your commitment to the Church strengthens your witness.  Telling people about your congregation’s ministry adds value to others.

Do you love your wife? Is your love personal, deep and meaningful? Going public with your love strengthens your marriage and blesses your bride. Tell your secretary, your teammates and your neighbors how much you love your wife.  Keep saying it: “I love her!”

Love also helps you know what to keep private.

Do you love your children? Is your knowledge of them personal, deep and confidential? Of course it is!  So don’t speak of their private struggles, failures or weaknesses. Preserve the trusting safety of your family circle. Never take their private matters public.

Do you love your spouse? Is your knowledge of them personal, intimate and private?  Of course!  So don’t tell others about your intimate moments. Don’t publicize details you privately cherish. Don’t embarrass them. Don’t shame them. Don’t ever put them down in public.  There are things the two of you should share with no one but each other!
Love gives clarity.

Personal is sometimes private, but not always.  Love helps you know the difference.  And if you still can’t figure it out, ask advice of the one whose issues you're about to make public. Tell them what you’re planning to reveal to the world.  If you’re not sure whether it’s OK to take their personal matters public, they’ll tell you.

Trust me on this one….we all need more love. 

Our next five weekends are dedicated to love. Bring a friend to every SYNC Service and love will increase.  I'm sure because love comes from God!

1 John 4:7-11  -  Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

 

 

Comments

[Johnny Carr]

Thanks for sharing this. I have gone public about some things over the internet about my family on blogs I later wished I hadn't because, if it got back to them it could hurt them deeply. Some things are meant for prayer only...

[Jeny Johnson]

Good Stuff! Honest and oh so true! Thanks for sharing your heart mark! Blessings, Jenny Johnson (Cobb)

[Don Ryan]

What a wonderful and thoughtful post. Thanks for sharing it.

[Rick White]

Mark:
Thanks for an incredible post!

[Johnny Carr]

This is so well put together I had to read again and again. Very well said Mark...

[R W]

Reading this over made me think so deeply i am not sure what to say except "I LIKE IT" !

[Rick M]

Thank you for your words of wisdom, Pastor Mark. This post is just another example of how blessed we are to be a part of your life and ministry.

[Kem Meyer]

I cried. Thank you for this profound, sensitive and discerning post. Sincerely...

[Mark Waltz]

One of your best. I hope you preach this soon. Thanks for modeling this post so well.

[Jason]

Great post! Thanks for your words of wisdom. - on a side note...I was looking for a picture of you to show someone today and came across this one of you by the fire place. I know your not, but did you notice it looks like you are smoking? Things some people pick up on!