Not long ago I invited you to text questions to me during our weekend services. I was only able to address a few of the questions you raised. I've asked some GCC Leaders to help me with several more.
Mark Waltz is my 1st Guest Blogger. He's responding to your question, "What does true forgiveness toward someone look like?"
Here's Mark's answer...
Answering this question in the space allotted in a blog is a challenge at best. So, let’s start with what forgiveness is not:
• Forgiveness is not forgetting. Generally, our attempts to forget amounts to denial. Whatever the offense was: betrayal of a trusted friend; abandonment of a parent or spouse; abuse from a relative; embezzlement of funds – whatever the offence, it did happen. It was damaging. It hurt. It is forever a memory. It will not be forgotten.
• Forgiveness does not always lead to reconciliation. Often our offender has already died. Sometimes they don’t want to reconcile. In many cases the offender claims a desire to reconcile, but isn’t willing to honestly own their responsibility, allowing for authentic reconciliation and relationship. A genuine relationship must be built on truth between two people. It simply takes two to reconcile.
• Forgiveness is not a one-time event. There’s simply not a blanket approach to forgiving someone. Because we remember, because there are triggers that take us back to the offense, forgiveness is cyclical. Actually, as I’m typing this very point, I’m remembering an offense that made me so angry this past fall. And, I have a choice. I can allow myself to relive it, mull over it, justify my anger and their stupidity… or I can choice to forgive, again.
Forgiveness says, “I will not hold you responsible for my choices in dealing with the pain. I will not allow you and the hurt you caused to control my life. I choose to not be held hostage to anger, bitterness, and vengeful thoughts.” Forgiveness opens a door to new levels of relational connection with God – who demonstrates his grace and forgiveness through the life, death, and resurrection of his Son, Jesus Christ.
Recommended resource: Getting Rid of the Gorilla: Confessions on the Struggle to Forgive (Brian Jones)
Mark:
Very good insights. Especially that forgiveness is cyclical, (a neverending journey as I see it). One thing I need to work on is accepting, or realizing forgiveness, as I am the one that people often need to forgive. Sometimes it is hard to accept the forgiveness that others give, and even harder to realize that they are on that journey to forgive as well. Its really got me thinking..... Thanks Mark W.
Posted by: Ron Windbigler | January 16, 2009 at 11:24 AM
Thank you for these thoughts. You have helped me alot this evening.
Posted by: Suzanne Jones | January 16, 2009 at 10:55 PM